This year saw my first trip to Thailand, and while I was determined to not fall into the student-esque stereotype of riding on elephants, drinking my body weight in cocktail buckets, and covering myself in neon paint, I couldn’t help but notice that there were certain other categories that many people I met fell into…
Gap yah girlies:
Lou, Henny and Fi are at nearly at the end of their gap yah travels. They started off with Gee, Tops and Poppy in South America, worked at an orphanage in Africa for a month, went to Burma for a bit (‘none of the food was Western!’) and travelled down through India (‘such a humbling experience’) before arriving in South-East Asia. Gee, Tops and Poppy decided to go home early (‘simply too exhausted’) but our three girlies are just super excited to be in Thailand. This is, like, the last freedom they’ll have before uni, so they totes want to make the most of it by getting silly drunk on buckets and snogging boys that are, like, really old (i.e. 21+).
Greg has been everywhere, and as a result knows exactly where you should and shouldn’t go, and what you should and shouldn’t do. He can’t believe that you wasted your money on that boat trip to Maya Bay – apparently the whole thing is overrated and spoiled by all the tourists. You flew down to Phuket? Mate, should have taken the bus – it’s just a more authentic experience. He’s been to Koh Phangan three times, and thinks it’s a great thing you didn’t go for Full Moon. Mate, he just happened to be there for the party each year, thinks the whole thing is a total waste of time, and just went because he was bored… It’s a bit of a mystery as to how Greg funds his travels, but it seems his currency is unwanted advice. You’re talking about a holiday you took in Italy, did you know that Italians love African exports? Speaking of Africa, did I tell you about the time I was in Mozambique? You have to go, but make sure you avoid Heights Resort, completely Westernised area, you get no idea of true African culture… Cheers Greg.
The one who never left:
Martin is from Austria, and came to Thailand 15 years ago. He’s yet to go home… After having an amphetamine-laced Red Bull-induced epiphany that his life in Europe was going nowhere, he decided to stay in the islands for a few more weeks. Weeks turned into months, which turned into years, and he’s now the owner/manager of a backpackers’ hostel just near Haad Rin beach. Martin is seen as a fountain of knowledge when it comes to Koh Phangan: where to go, what to see, best places to eat, where to avoid, which bars sell the best spliffs… Martin is more local than most of the locals.
Mike, Zach and Jonny are tearing Thailand up! They’ve just finished their first year of uni, so are well-versed in how to drink to the point where you feel invincible and can still perform with a girl. LAD POINTS! There was that hilarious week on Koh Phi Phi where all three of them snogged the same girl (jokes mate), and they’ll make it more hilarious when they get home by telling their uni pals that she did more than just a kiss and a casual hand job. The boys are on a tight budget, so it’s pad Thai by day and multiple buckets by night, teamed with the lower end of the accommodation spectrum. Mate, all the more incentive to score each night, you might get some air con!