If you ask a girl about what she looks for in a man, she might give any number of answers. ‘I want a guy who makes me laugh’, ‘I’d like to find a guy who I can trust’, or ‘I just want someone who gets me’. These are all valid points, and these answers may certainly be truthful. However, I wonder how much is not being said.
We’re used to men focusing on the physical: ‘I’m a boobs/arse/legs guy’, ‘full lips are a must’, ‘she can’t be fat’ etc. These criteria tend to preceded the funny/kind/intelligent aspects, and whilst women might not be as vocal about it, we also have our aesthetic preferences. Let’s be honest, the physical attraction has got to be there at some point, so why are we judged as being shallow by saying that we’d like a guy who’s tall with great arms or a chiselled face or rugby thighs or washboard abs? Why aren’t we allowed to openly say that we’d like to be chatted up by someone who looks a bit like David Gandy and it doesn’t matter (initially at least) if they don’t have the wit of Oscar Wilde?
Granted, it depends on what kind of scenario you’re in. I know I’m not the only girl who, when on a night out with friends, will pull a total bitch-face* at anyone who doesn’t score at least 7/10. In a situation where you’re making quick (and slightly vodka-blurred) judgements, both men and women will assess a potential flirting partner on their looks. It may sound harsh to say it, but you’re not exactly going to gaze across a bar at some 5’9” overweight sweaty balding guy wearing an England football shirt and think ‘oooh I bet he’s got a great sense of humour, c’mere STUD!’ Or maybe you would, in which case we have completely different tastes in men… Perhaps the difference lies in what a girl’s ultimate goal is. If she’s looking for a quick fling, then it’s understandable she’d want it to be with some hunk with biceps big enough to throw her around the bedroom and cheekbones you can cut yourself on. Personality isn’t the main factor here, it’s sexual chemistry and physical attraction.
On the other hand, I totally accept that someone who doesn’t float your boat initially can grow on you over time. I have certainly found myself in a situation where I’d met a guy and hadn’t been initially attracted to him, but through spending time with him and getting to know him I became rather besotted. Average Guy had transformed into Sex God in a matter of months, and no one was more surprised than me. Needless to say, it didn’t work out, but I think that sort of illustrates my point. When I think of the couples I know who have been together a long time, nearly all of them were friends before they became romantically involved, and that says a lot.
But I still don’t think that this should mean we can’t admit to wanting to be with a guy who’s physically appealing to more than just his mother. If we’re talking long-term relationships and even marriage, why shouldn’t I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to make me gag into my pillow a little bit when I wake up every morning? Obviously we all have varying tastes, and one girl’s David Beckham may be another’s Jonah Hill, and thank heavens for that otherwise there’d be a lot of sad and lonely men and women out there. But, I do believe we’re allowed to want someone who ticks the box both physically and emotionally.
I’ll admit that I’m pretty damn picky appearance-wise when it comes to men, and perhaps this is where I’m going wrong. I’ll also admit that at the end of the day, it comes down to personal preference. Perhaps I just find it hard to get past the outward appearance in order to know the ‘inner beauty’. In my defence, I know I’m not the only girl who’s like this – there are girls I know who will only date male models or at least a guy who’s ripped enough to be in an Abercrombie catalogue. Even I think this is faintly ridiculous – I know that looks aren’t everything and, ultimately, I’d like to find a guy who offers stimulating conversation, humour, and a sense of trust. But is it too much to ask to be attracted to someone both inside and out?
* Definition of ‘bitch-face‘: looking at a sub-standard guy who has dared to chat you up with a ‘you think you can tap this?!’ expression on your face. Raised eyebrow optional.