Big news people – I have deleted Tinder. And no, it’s not because I have a boyfriend (here’s hoping). Call it boredom, call it becoming disenchanted with variations on ‘hey babe, wanna come over?’ messages, call it giving up on the whole dating thing for a while… Whatever you want to call it, it’s happened. Ciao Tinder, it’s been an interesting couple of years, but I’m done.
How do I feel? Any withdrawal symptoms? Other than missing the occasional ego boost – no! Perhaps it’s because this is the first time in ages that I’m not on tenterhooks the whole time, waiting to hear back from some random guy who looks vaguely attractive in photos, and might even be attractive in person, but will inevitably turn out to be a big disappointment. I can focus on other things (friends, exercise, career, writing etc.) and not worry that committing to Thursday and Friday night plans will take out the two key date nights of the week.
My Tinder experience has been something of an emotional rollercoaster, and while I certainly could have done without the lows, everything has overall been a learning experience. Heartbreak – it sucks but ultimately time heals everything. Being ghosted – the guys who do this aren’t worth your time or energy. The man who you date for a while but doesn’t want to commit to anything – enjoy it for what it is and don’t get too attached. That person who calls you three times before you’ve even met and says that you might be The One – run for the hills. I think it’s fair to say I’ve had a very broad experience of the thing…
If anything, Tinder has made me realise what I do and don’t want in a relationship. When I first downloaded the app way back in 2013, I had recently been through a break-up and needed a distraction and a little self-validation (don’t be shocked, nearly everyone does it). Those criteria were quickly filled, and gradually my attitude towards dating changed. I’m now not ashamed to say that I want a boyfriend, but it’s taken me this long to realise that I’m not going to find one on Tinder.
So here we are, new year, new attitude, and a phone with more memory due to a lack of dating apps. I’m giving this whole ‘once you stop looking it will happen’ thing a go, and am already far happier as a result. And to highlight the fact that I’ve done the right thing, something popped up on Buzzfeed today that proves you never really know who you’re talking to:
Last Autumn I matched with Jake – attractive doctor, from Surrey, based just outside of London. Jake also had a husky. Jake basically was the dream. We exchanged messages over Tinder for a couple of days, by which time I thought it was appropriate to suggest transferring to WhatsApp and gave him my number. I never heard from him again. Sick burn dude… But hey, these things happen. Jake was promptly forgotten, no doubt replaced by the next Tinder Tom/Dick/Asshat to come my way. It wasn’t until my lunch-hour scroll through Buzzfeed today that I remembered all about Jake. Why? Because Jake is actually called Mikhail Varshavski, is a doctor based in New Jersey, has been named People Magazine’s ‘Sexiest Doctor Alive’, and has over 1.2million Instagram followers. He’s on Buzzfeed because he’s offering up the opportunity to go on a date with him at a charity auction.
So yeah, I got well and truly catfished. ‘Jake’ had simply used Dr Varshavski’s Instagram photos to create a profile. What could be easier? The moral of the story is: if something’s too good to be true, it probably is.
What can else can I say Tinder? It’s not you it’s me, I’m just not in the right head space at the moment, you’re taking up too much of my time, I just want to be on my own for a bit, and every other break-up platitude that I’ve heard in the last three years. It’s been a journey, but we’re through.