Stop using the C-word

Most people will be familiar with the term ‘closure’.  I think Urban Dictionary sums it up pretty well:

Closure

Whilst Definitions 3, 5 and 6 are perhaps a little unkind, I will agree wholeheartedly with the rest of them.  And I would also add that ‘closure’, in reality, is basically non-existent.

Relationships will end for any number of reasons, and unless you’re in the rare situation where the desire to end the relationship is entirely mutual, there will be one person who is left confused and hurt.  While the person who instigates the break-up might think that they have given valid and plausible reasons for wanting to become a lone wolf once more, the person being ditched is only going to have numerous questions and will be left with lists of what-ifs and whys.  This is where the need for closure comes in.  Let me tell you now – you’re not going to get it.  A bit harsh?  Maybe, but let me explain.

In the last couple of years, I’ve been what I would term as involved with (i.e. exclusively dating/in a relationship with) a handful of men, and for the most part it’s been the guy who has instigated the break-up.  Pretty much all of them have been variations of the ‘I just don’t want to be in a relationship’ theme, but each time I’ve been denied the opportunity to have a satisfactory conversation where all of my questions (some rational, some not) are answered.  And I get it – in the times where I’ve been the one doing the breaking-up, I haven’t exactly gone into a monologue explaining all of my thoughts and feelings on the matter – you want to get it over and done with as quickly as possible!  So having been on both sides of the fence, I think I can say with confidence that you’re not going to get closure, and the notion of a ‘clean break’ is equally as abstract.

There’s no question that the person being dumped will be the most hurt, the most angry, and the most determined to find some sort of reasoning behind the break-up.  This has certainly been the case for me in recent years.  To me, a guy simply changing his mind about his relationship status wasn’t good enough – there had to be a CAUSE or a REASON.  Did he meet someone else?  Did he feel that way even when he invited me to spend the weekend with his parents?  Have his guy mates convinced him that having a girlfriend makes him less of a lad?  But, short of turning up on various doorsteps and demanding an explanation (NB never do this), these questions will forever go unanswered.  And this is where Definition 5 is most pertinent – claiming a need for closure is basically another way of saying that you haven’t accepted that the relationship is over.  Think about it – no one who is over their ex will whine ‘but I just need closure!’.  I’m as guilty of this as anyone else, but now I’m beginning to see the error of my ways.

Break-ups are annoying at best, heart-breaking and awful at worst.  I know I’m not the only one who has lost weeks or months of their life to moping, crying, and avoiding rom-coms at all cost.  But all of this has taught me a valuable lesson: the sooner you accept that the relationship is over, and that your ex isn’t going to suddenly have a change of heart and beg you to take them back, the sooner you will start to feel better.  Discourage use of the C-word, take the moral high road, and maybe we’ll all stop feeling like we’re missing something that we’re actually better off without.

40 thoughts every girl has had whilst swiping through Tinder

  1. I’m not sure I could love a Gavin
  2. Or anyone with ice gem hair
  3. Why have so many guys stroked tigers?
  4. And been up Macchu Pichu?
  5. If I see ‘if you don’t look like your pictures then you’re buying the drinks until they do’ I might throw a tantrum
  6. Same goes for ‘willing to lie about how we met’
  7. Ooh a group of three guys, two of which are very hot, let’s look at a couple more photos
  8. Dammit02
  9. This guy is hot but really ripped and therefore probably only into going to the gym and talking about protein and therefore not someone I’d be interested in
  10. But I’ll swipe right anyway, just to see if he’s into me…
  11. I’ve swiped right about a dozen times today and got no matches.  What’s wrong with me?!
  12. Seriously, how many guys are called Tom these days?
  13. Gym selfies.  Jog on.
  14. Same goes for super-intense close-up moody selfies
  15. And those oh-I-just-happened-to-be-lifting-up-my-top-and-flashed-my-abs-whilst-taking-a-selfie-in-the-mirror photos
  16. Oh.  A cock shot.  Great.
  17. Cock shot with a beer can next to it for size reference.  Well this guy’s thought of everything.
  18. ‘Recently moved to London’, would probably think that a date in Leicester Square on a Saturday night would be a good idea.  Swipe left.
  19. Ooo a guy a used to fancy at uni.  Should I swipe right?
  20. But what if I swipe right and we match?  Wouldn’t that be super-awkward?
  21. And then he’ll tell everyone about it and it would just be totes hilaire for them but totes not-hilaire for me
  22. Screw it I’m swiping right anyway
  23. Errmahgahhhhd we matched!!  He fancies me!!!  I KNEW it!!
  24. OMG he just messaged me!  Hyperventilating right now.
  25. ‘Lol swipe right for a friend!’
  26. Dickhead.  Unmatch.01
  27. This guy has a bevy of bimbos in each picture = player = swipe left
  28. Strongly suspect that this guy, whilst attractive, is pretty short.  Analyse each photo carefully.  Yep he’s shorter than his girl mates.  Swipe left.
  29. I swear I recognise this guy, he’s really hot, have we been on a date before?
  30. Meh, what’s the worst that could happen?  Swipe right.
  31. Oh now I remember.  His opening message was ‘sit on my face’.  Unmatch.
  32. Holy hell this guy is super hot and tall and has a great body and all of his photos are really well lit and professional-looking and haaaaang on he looks quite a lot like David Gandy…
  33. I’ve matched with the last six people I’ve swiped right for, I am ON FIRE!!
  34. Eesh dude sort out that monobrow
  35. Wow my phone battery has run low really quickly
  36. My god this guy could be The One, definitely swipe right
  37. OMG we matched!!  Please message me, pleeeeeeeease…
  38. ‘I could go down on you for hours’
  39. Oh ffs…
  40. ‘There are no new people in your area’.  Screw this let’s have a look on Happn.03